Before I Ever Knew You
by TurnMyGriefToGrace
Summary: This is different from my other fics.  It's not really a post-episode fic, but glimpses into Meredith, Derek and Zola's everyday life, which we rarely get to see.  It's also a past/present/future fic, and is sectioned off into mini-fics. Enjoy!


**Disclaimer: If I owned it, Meredith and Derek's storyline would be given more than two minutes an episode, which is why I needed to write this. Snow Patrol owns the lyric used for the title, taken from the song "New York."**

**This is a little different from my other one shots. It's not really a post-episode fic, but more so just glimpses into Meredith, Derek and Zola's everyday life, which we rarely get to see on the show. It's also a past/present/future fic, and is sectioned off into little mini-fics. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! **

_"The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations." - Eli Khamarov_

The quote is written in Meredith's neat, pre-doctor printing, on a strip of notebook paper, tucked away in a spare credit card slot of her wallet. It's been there since her freshman year of college when she was forced to take Philosophy 101 against her feisty, eighteen year old will. Meredith wasn't big on anything particularly abstract or philosophical, always preferring cold, hard science to anything artsy. She sat in the back corner by the door, and spent every class listening to Professor Connelly drone on about Socrates, Freud, and everyone in between.

The only thing she took from the class was the quote. It was apt, really. It summed up what her life was, and what she hoped it could be one day. Meredith stopped having expectations of anyone and anything when her father walked out the door when she was five years old and never looked back, and her mother was never around enough to give a damn about the daughter caught in the crossfire. Expectations lead to disappointment, and disappointment lead to heartache. Her life had been full of both, so eventually, she gave up expecting anything of anyone except herself. Those same expectations got her through undergrad, med school, and a spot in the country's best residency program with help from no one.

Meredith remembers switching wallets on the night of the intern mixer, opting for something more compact, so it would fit into her purse. The quote slipped from her wallet and onto the floor as she transferred her emergency credit card, license, and a small wad of cash into the slots. And though the simple sentence resonated with her from time to time, she hadn't recalled seeing the piece of paper for a few years. She thought nothing of it, though. She simply tucked it back into the clear plastic slot right in the front, closed the wallet, and reluctantly went to what was sure to be an uncomfortably awkward social gathering, where people would point and stare when they realized what her last name was.

In retrospect, that little slip of paper seemed to know what the universe had in store for her that night. The night she walked into a bar alone, and walked out with the love of her life.

The journey from strangers in a bar to married mommy and daddy had been long, with its fair share of pain and joy, but given the destination, neither would change the route they took to get here.

If parenthood has taught Derek and Meredith anything, it's this: all the preparing in the world won't prepare you for it. Not that they had the usual nine months of preparation most parents get, anyway. That long stretch between the day she pees on the stick to the day he cuts the cord was time they were never allotted.

Zola went from a neurosurgical patient to their potential daughter in the span of a few hours. Some might say her arrival into their lives was unexpected, and maybe it was, but the word they liked to use was miraculous. Just when Meredith's hope of having a baby had been tapped dry, she walked into a room in the peds. ward, and saw her husband holding the little girl who would become _their_ little girl. The universe changed its usual tune of knocking her down without cause or warning, and handed her a baby. As someone dedicated to the practice of saving lives, she knew medical miracles existed. But this kind of miracle? This was one miracle that left her awestruck every time she thought about it. And now, that little strip of paper sits framed on Meredith's nightstand, underneath a picture of their family, a reminder that their greatest gifts in life were the ones they never expected.

…

_January 8th, 2012. Unexpected: Take One_

It had been three days since Zola was officially made theirs forever; although, they thought of her as their daughter from the day they met her. Getting her back a second time, they weren't sure if Zola even remembered them. Months had passed since they'd last seen her, so they were prepared to start over from step one, making the transition from strangers to parents all over again.

But then, Zola surprised them.

She sat snuggled between Meredith and Derek in bed, listening while they read her the captivating tale, _If You Give a Mouse a Cookie_. She smiled enthusiastically, pointing to the colorful pictures on the book's pages, and giggled whenever they made funny voices. It was only the third day of Zola's bedtime routine, and already, it was hard to picture _not _spending every night like this.

After they'd reached the end, Zola seemed to sense the day was drawing to a close, letting out a yawn so big it made them laugh.

"Are you sleepy, Lovebug?" Meredith asked, putting the book on her nightstand.

"Dada," she said, unprompted, as she leaned into Derek.

They looked at each other with equal parts astonishment and awe. Meredith blinked in disbelief. "Did she just say…"

"Yeah," Derek said softly. "She did."

Meredith wiped at her eyes, looking at her daughter. "You're right. That's Dada," she nodded in agreement.

Zola pointed a tiny finger at Meredith, giving her a tired, happy smile. "Mama," the baby said with assured confidence.

If she weren't sitting in bed, Meredith was certain she would've tripped over her own feet when she heard it. "Okay, am I hallucinating, or did she just call me_ Mama_?"

"Mama," Zola repeated before Derek had the chance to clarify it for her.

Meredith sniffled back the tears, but they came anyway. She scooped her daughter onto her lap and kissed her soft, chubby cheek. "I am your Mama, Zo," she told her.

"Two words in the span of thirty seconds. That's very impressive, Princess," Derek grinned. He noticed how overcome with relief and joy Meredith was, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "See? Even after all those months apart, she knows us. She knows exactly who we are."

Meredith cleared her throat and smiled at him, tears catching in her eyelashes when she blinked. "Yeah."

(Derek still claims to own the bragging rights because Zola said _Dada _first.)

…

_January 19th, 2012. Unexpected: Take Two_

It was Zola's first birthday, and like most other special occasions, the hospital wasn't very generous with vacation time. Saving lives was a round-the-clock profession, except for the cherished early clock-out and sporadic days off.

Still, they were determined to make Zola's birthday special. Derek managed to sneak out of the hospital during his break and went to the bakery down the street to pick out a birthday cupcake for his daughter, which trumped cutting into brains, especially on a day like this one.

He decided on a chocolate one with at least three inches of pink frosting on top, covered in confetti sprinkles. And before he paid, he added on an extra one just like it.

When he got back to the hospital, he found Meredith, and they got Zola from day care, where the aides had already kicked off the festivities, from singing Happy Birthday to her, tying pink balloons to her little cubby, and giving her tons of birthday stickers, courtesy of the other children. She liked those the most, happily peeling them off her shirt and sticking them back on.

"You're a lucky, little girl, huh?" Derek asked, holding her on his hip as he and Meredith walked to his office. "First, a birthday party with all your friends, and later on, a birthday party at home with your crazy family."

"Yeah," Zola babbled in response, one of her new favorite words; but not as much as 'no,' which she enjoyed saying even more.

After the short walk, they reached Derek's office and went inside, escaping the hustle and bustle of the hospital. His office was the size of a shoe box before Zola came along, and had since been converted into a makeshift playroom where they all went whenever they had free time.

The office looked even smaller now, strewn with toys, and a travel playpen in the corner where she napped. Derek actually preferred it this way, though. It was homey, and made him smile every time he walked in, an ever-present reminder that he wasn't just a doctor; he was a husband and father, two titles he cherished more than what any diploma on the wall may have given him.

Meredith set Zola on her lap after sitting down on the couch, smiling as she watched Derek rummage around in his desk for the book of matches and a candle he'd swiped from the nurses' station, which was always chocked full of birthday supplies for reasons he never understood.

"What's Daddy have for you, Zo?" Meredith asked, hugging her closer.

Derek finally found the matches and purple candle, and dropped down next to Meredith on the couch. "Daddy has a birthday cupcake," he said with as much excitement as a little kid on Christmas morning, popping open the white bakery box theatrically.

Zola's eyes lit up when she saw it, and she clapped her hands together. "Ooh!" she said with delight.

Derek stuck the candle in the mountain of frosting, lit it with the match, then nodded to Meredith, her cue to start singing. The two didn't even sing to each other on their own birthdays, but for Zola, and Zola only, they made an exception.

"Blow out the candle, Sweetpea," Meredith said after they sang, making the motion with her lips for Zola to mimic.

Zola blew a small puff of air, and Derek decided to help her along so the candle wax wouldn't drip. After extinguishing it, he pulled the candle out and peeled off the paper. "Okay, all yours," he said.

Meredith fastened a bib around Zola's neck, then set her on her feet so she could eat it at the small coffee table in front of the couch. "That looks yummy, Zo," she said, swiping some frosting off the edge with her finger to sample it for herself.

Using her tiny hand, Zola scooped a glob of pink frosting off the top and put it in her mouth, happily munching on it. While Zola was going to town on her birthday treat, Derek dropped a second bakery box onto Meredith's lap.

She looked to him, confused. "What's this?"

"Open it."

Meredith cut through the scotch tape holding the box closed, then opened the lid. "You got me a cupcake," she said in surprise.

"Well, I know how much you like them. And I figured before you took all of Zola's frosting, I'd just get you one," Derek chuckled.

"Thank you."

Derek grinned, watching as the two favorite people in his life licked frosting off their fingers. "You know, you may not have carried her for nine months, but you and Zo? Mother and daughter, without a doubt."

Meredith put her hands on his cheeks and kissed him, unconcerned with the fact that she was probably getting frosting on his face.

(Hearing him say that was better than a gourmet cupcake could ever be.)

…

_February 28th, 2012. Unexpected: Take Three_

Meredith knew when she saw Mark's car in the driveway after coming home from work that there was something interesting going on inside the house. Sure, Mark visited once in a while, but usually on nights or weekends to watch sports with Derek. Rarely did he come over mid-morning on a Tuesday.

She opened the front door, shimmied off her coat, and set her bag on the floor. When she saw a flowery patterned diaper bag sitting on the bench, she started to put the pieces together. Sofia was here, which meant she was probably playing somewhere with Zola, which meant Mark and Derek were…

That's where she got stumped.

"Derek?"

"In here!" Derek called out.

Meredith jumped in surprise when she heard what sounded like a blender start to whir in the distance, and she walked curiously into the kitchen. She stopped in her tracks when she got a good look at the picture in front of her: two grown men making baby food.

She wanted to tease them, but Mark was wearing an apron, and Derek was covered in splattered applesauce, so all she did was laugh. As men who once beat the crap out of each other in the middle of the hospital to glorified Super Dads, she overlooked the absurdity and focused on the adorable.

"What?" Mark asked as he chopped a freshly peeled apple. "Can't two guys make their own baby food?"

"No, they can. I've just never seen it before," Meredith giggled. She kissed the top of Zola's head, who sat next to Sofia in side by side high chairs, sampling the medley of puréed fruits and vegetables on their respective trays.

"Is it good, Zo?" Meredith asked her daughter.

Zola smiled up at Meredith, holding her little pink spoon. "Nanas," she said before taking a bite.

"Ooh, you have bananas?" she said excitedly. "What about you, Sofia?"

"She's enjoying some homemade applesauce. And now, we've got sweet potatoes to try," Mark said, dropping something mushy and orange onto Sofia's dish, then Zola's. "Your brilliant neurosurgeon husband forgot to put the lid on the thing the first time, which is why the first batch of applesauce ended up all over his shirt."

"I got sidetracked filling Zo's sippy cup," Derek said in his own defense.

Meredith laughed, surveying the chaos of the kitchen that had been overtaken by produce. "How long have you two been… puréeing?"

"About an hour. I found the puréer in the cabinet this morning. We were bored and both had the day off," Derek shrugged, wiping his hands on a dish towel. "Next thing you know, we're pros."

"Wait, you found that in _our _cabinet? Where'd it come from?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know. I was gonna ask you," Derek chuckled.

"Oh, and don't worry, I made sure to wipe the countertops down before we started. I've heard stories about your kitchen sexcapades," Mark said nonchalantly as he cleaned Sofia's chin.

Meredith felt her cheeks blush in embarrassment, and she shook her head. "Good to know. Thanks."

(She and Derek had countertop sex that same afternoon. Super Dad Derek always had a way of turning her on.)

…

_November 19th, 2012. Unexpected: Take Four_

They've been living in their new house for four months now. Everything had been boxed, shipped, and put in its new location, no easy feat with a nearly two year old. Zola loved the house, which, thanks to her newfound admiration for Disney princess movies, she called her castle.

Her parents loved the house, too. Especially the bathtub.

It was a vast improvement over the tiny clawfoot tub at the old house, with jets and a whirlpool, and was three times the size, which allowed them to be much more… flexible. They didn't get to take baths together that often, but when they did, they made sure to enjoy the hell out of it, because they didn't know when the chance would come around again.

Tonight was one of those nights. Zola was cuddled in their bed, sleeping after the three of them watched _Beauty and the Beast_ together, and they managed to sneak away into the bathroom attached to the master bedroom for a little grown-up time.

And per Meredith's insistence, all the duckies were facing the wall.

She closed her eyes as Derek peppered kisses from one shoulder to another, moaning when his lips moved to her earlobe. "You know, just because the duckies can't see us doesn't mean I'm giving you sex in here."

Derek's hand trailed around to the front of her body, and he grinned when she arched into him. "You say that now."

"I mean it," Meredith giggled, smacking his hand away under the water. "Our daughter is six feet away."

"Yes, sound asleep," Derek pointed out.

His hand didn't stay away for long, so she retaliated by running her fingertips over his thighs, flanked on either side of her. She was probably playing right into his game, but she didn't care enough to stop him.

"Probably dreaming about dancing utensils and hospitable French candlesticks," Meredith teased.

"Hey, _Beauty and the Beast_ is a classic, one that I was forced to watch a million times," Derek said before sighing. "One of the perks of being the favorite babysitter for nine, girly nieces."

The water in the tub sloshed as Meredith turned around and wrapped her legs around his waist. "Poor thing," she said, playing with the wet curls on the back of his neck.

Derek ran his hands down the length of her bare back. "Does that mean I get bathtub sex?"

"No," she said halfheartedly, though it was only a matter of time before she would give in. He was naked and wet and soapy, and if his hands kept wandering beneath the water, she knew she'd be a goner.

Just as she leaned in to kiss him, a sweet, little voice interrupted them.

"Hi," said Zola, clad in her cupcake pajamas as she toddled into the bathroom.

Meredith froze on top of Derek's lap, and they looked at each other helplessly. "Crap," she whispered.

Derek was the first to regain composure after they'd been walked in on, and he cleared his throat. "Hey, Princess. Did you climb out of bed?" he asked.

"Yeah," Zola said, as though it were no big deal. She tilted her head adorably the same way Derek did as he pieced something together, and she pointed to herself. "Me tubby?"

"You can get a tubby in the morning. Okay, Zo?" Meredith promised.

Zola smiled, content with that answer. "Kay."

Meredith used Derek's shoulder for leverage as she reached for her robe on the hook. As she pulled for it, one of Zola's duckies, wearing a ballerina tutu, fell off the shelf and splashed into the water, almost as though it were taunting them for attempting anything porny in their presence.

She smirked at Derek as she stepped out of the tub and shrugged her robe on. "These duckies hate us."

"I think so, too," Derek laughed, staying cloaked under the bubbles in the tub until Meredith could take Zola back into their bedroom.

(The next day, they moved all the duckies onto the bathtub ledge in the bathroom down the hall. Meredith still swears the damn things have a personal vendetta against their sex life.)

…

_August 21st, 2013. Unexpected: Take Five_

Zola was two and a half now, and kept their lives busier than they'd ever been. She could sing the ABCs, count to ten, and had been fully potty trained in just under a week. She was bright, sweet, and kept them laughing all day long, always chatty and giving her opinion on everything, and Meredith and Derek loved her more every day.

They leaned against the doorway of Zola's bedroom, watching as their little girl slept in her new big girl bed for the first time, rails on either side to keep her safe. Her hair had gotten longer and curlier over the last year, fanning out over her pillow, and the pink polka dot blanket that covered her rose and fell with every little breath she took.

Meredith looked from her daughter to her husband. "She's getting so big. It's like I blinked, and now, she's a grown up. She sleeps in a bed and can hold a conversation for hours; she's not even in diapers anymore."

"Those I don't miss," Derek chuckled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He noticed the tears in her eyes, and he knitted his eyebrows in concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Meredith smiled. She wiped under her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. "I just never thought I'd do this… be a mom, I mean. After the miscarriage and all the trying we did, I thought maybe we were just going to be _that _couple that everyone talks about. The ones that try so hard to be parents, but things just never work out. The ones with the empty kids' bedrooms and a backyard that never gets used."

"So did I," he admitted.

"Really?"

Derek shook his head. "I don't know. I hated seeing you sad, so I kept a brave face on. The truth is, I hated sticking you with needles and finding out you were willing to go blind just so we could have a baby. And to know you were blaming yourself for it… that killed me."

"I know." Meredith reached for his hand and squeezed. "But then I look at Zola, and all of that goes away. We didn't make her. We never got to hear her heartbeat on the ultrasound. I never felt her little feet kick me from the inside. You never got to talk to my belly, or let me yell at you as I pushed her out. We didn't get to do any of that. And that used to make me sad, because I wanted that more than anything."

"I know."

Meredith dropped her head onto his shoulder. "I realized it doesn't matter how she got here, though. She's ours and she's perfect."

"Yeah. She really is," Derek said softly.

Meredith tugged on his hand. "Let's let her sleep."

"Yeah," he agreed, reaching for the knob to pull the door closed slightly, so the hall light wouldn't wake her. "Goodnight, Princess."

"We love you, Zola," Meredith said.

Before they made it back to their own bedroom, Derek was already fumbling with the drawstring of her pants. He managed to get them off of her before they reached the bed, the rest of their clothes following suit. If there was an upside to having a toddler, it was that she slept through the night. The uninterrupted sleep was great, but the uninterrupted sex? That was even better.

Six weeks pass, and it's not Zola waking her up at the crack of dawn, but the relentless churning in Meredith's stomach that pulls her out of bed and has her hugging the toilet. She doesn't think much of it, chalking it up to the tuna salad she ate yesterday at work.

But then it happens the next morning, and the morning after that.

Derek held her hair back as she vomited, and he pursed his lips in suspicion. "Mer, are you late?"

After flushing, Meredith dropped down onto the bathroom floor, flipping backward through her mental calendar. "Oh, God," she whispered, going white as a ghost for reasons other than nausea.

Derek wanted to do a cartwheel over the mere possibility that she was pregnant, but after what happened last time, he knew better. He took her hand and smiled. "It's okay. Deep breaths. We'll just… get a test, and if you are, you are. If you're not, you're not."

Meredith ran a hand through her hair and let out a shaky breath. She wasn't scared of _being_ pregnant. She was scared that if she was, she wouldn't _stay_ pregnant. Her uterus seemed to be adamantly anti-baby, and they hadn't used birth control for years, a decision that would haunt her forever if this pregnancy ended like the last one did.

"I can't lose another one. Derek, I can't go through that again."

Derek rubbed his hand over her back. "I know."

Meredith crawled into Zola's tiny bed with her while Derek drove out to a twenty-four hour pharmacy to pick up a test. She wrapped her arm around her daughter and breathed her in. Zola curled into her, and Meredith left herself smile despite her fear. Even sleeping, Zola had a way of comforting her, reminding her that even if she wasn't pregnant, or was but ended up losing this one, too, Zola wasn't going anywhere. She was theirs forever.

"I love you, Zo," Meredith whispered.

Derek found the two of them sound asleep after getting home. The color had returned to Meredith's face, and she looked peaceful. He decided to let them sleep. No matter what the test said, he'd be there for her, and the test could wait until Meredith woke up.

Two hours passed before she and Zola did, and five minutes hadn't gone by before Meredith took the test, her hands shaking so badly that she wasn't sure she'd even be able to pee on the thing successfully. It sat on her nightstand while they waited, and Zola studied her parents with interest.

"What're we doin?'" she asked, her little legs dangling off their bed as she swayed her feet, clad in her monkey slippers.

"We're uh… taking a test," Derek answered, kissing the top of her head.

Meredith bit her thumb in nervous anticipation, waiting for the verdict. The box said that the results would appear within five minutes, and she knew it would be longest five minute span of her life. Only two minutes passed when she meant to check the clock on the nightstand, but instead, her eyes were drawn to the word _Pregnant _staring back at her in undeniable, black letters.

Her breath caught in her throat and before she could say a word, she felt the tears burn in her eyes. She tried her best to keep calm for Zola's sake, but she cried anyway. Derek quickly reached for the test and read it, scanning the result screen several times to himself before it sank in.

He knew it may have been tempting fate, but he smiled anyway, letting himself feel the joy he never got to experience last time. "Meredith."

When he looked at her, she already had one hand over her stomach, using the other one to wipe the tears off her face. Derek put his hand over hers, and felt the warmth of her skin on his palm. For now, they'd let themselves have hope. The universe gave them one miracle they never expected. Who's to say they weren't due for another?

They had their first appointment with the obstetrician a week later, Zola in tow. Her mouth opened in surprise when they heard the sound of the heartbeat echo in the small exam room. That _woosh-woosh_ sound was nothing short of extraordinary, and Derek couldn't help but kiss his wife right then and there, even with the doctor in the room.

"What is that?" Zola asked in awe.

Derek hugged Zola like he never wanted to let her go, pressing kisses to her cheek. "That's our baby, Zo."

"The fetus looks to be around seven weeks. Strong heartbeat; good size. The uterine fibroids you were diagnosed with three years ago are gone, which is normal as time passes. So despite your previous miscarriage, I see no reason why you shouldn't expect a healthy pregnancy," the OB assured her, handing Meredith a stack of sonogram pictures. "Congratulations."

The grape-sized human growing inside her was beautiful, complete with tiny arm and leg buds, and Meredith vowed that she wouldn't let anything happen to it. She and Derek loved it completely the second they knew it existed, and like Zola, it was theirs forever. And the baby stayed their miraculous, little secret that no one knew about until Meredith couldn't hide her belly anymore.

(Not because they wanted to keep all the joy to themselves, but because as optimistic as they were, they didn't know how long that joy might last.)

…

_May 7th, 2014. Unexpected, Take Six_

Over the next seven months, Meredith took every precaution to keep her promise to their baby. She gave up coffee cold turkey. No sushi. No eggs. No overexerting herself, even as an attending neurosurgeon with an energetic toddler. Derek hovered endlessly, and Meredith would've found it annoying, but she knew why he did it. Fear still lingered in the back of their minds, and they breathed a sigh of relief with each passing day, week, month, and trimester.

Zola loved watching Meredith's belly grow. She kissed it every morning and night. She was fascinated by the tiny kicks the baby made, and called it Cinderella, even though they decided to be surprised by the sex. Meredith thought it was a boy, but Derek swore it was a girl. Zola wanted a sister, so she could play dress-up, princesses, and dolls with her, but all three would be happy with either gender. They weren't as concerned with pink or blue as they were with health.

Meredith's water broke on May 7th, a full week before her due date. She was eating breakfast with Zola at the kitchen table when it happened, and Derek was upstairs sleeping after getting home from an on-call shift. When she came in to change her pants and tell him they needed to go to the hospital, it didn't matter that he hadn't slept in twenty-four hours. Today, they'd be parents for a second time, and Zola would be a big sister.

To call Meredith's labor intense didn't seem adequate. She didn't know that level of pain was possible to live through, but she toughed it out for nine hours until the doctor came in and told her it was time. Meredith hugged Zola right before she started to push, and the "I love you, Mommy" that her three year old daughter whispered in her ear gave her all the strength she needed to make it past the final hurdle.

Zola waited out in the hall with her hospital family during delivery, wearing her _Big Sister_ tee shirt and holding her cherished stuffed bunny that she wanted to give her new brother or sister.

Meredith pushed for just under an hour, and Derek held her hand the entire time. And when the baby came out crying, he didn't know which one of the two he was more in awe of: his wife or his second, beautiful daughter. Just like Zola, baby number two had him wrapped around her little finger the first time he saw her, all seven pounds and two ounces of her.

The first time seeing Zola and her new little sister together was one of those life-defining moments that neither Meredith nor Derek understood before becoming parents. All four of them sat together on Meredith's hospital bed, the new baby cradled in Meredith's arm, Zola on Derek's lap.

She looked from Derek to her girls and smiled, recalling the quote she'd written in her college notebook all those years ago. It played over and over in her mind like a song, and probably would be forever.

_"The best things in life are unexpected - because there were no expectations."_

They never expected to have one child. And now, they had two perfect daughters that they loved completely and unconditionally for the rest of their lives.

(The miracle of that was never lost on them.)

_I'd tell you that I loved you before I ever knew you  
>'Cause I loved the simple thought of you<br>If our hearts are never broken and there's no joy in the mending  
>There's so much this hurt can teach us both<em>


End file.
